Trying to fight....

"For The First Time"

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart,
While I'm drinking jack all alone in my local bar,
And we don't know how,
How we got in to this mad situation,
Only doing things outta frustration

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard,

She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time,
I've got a new job now on the unemployment line,
And we don't know how,
How we got into this mess
is it god's test,
Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best,

Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven't for a while
A while ya
We're smiling but we're close tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oooooo

She's in line at the door
With her head held high
While I just lost my job but
Didn't lose my pride

But we both know how,
How we're gonna make it work when it hurts,
When you pick yourself up,
You get kicked to the dirt,

Trying to make it work but,
Man these times are hard,

But we're gonna start by,
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,

Doing things we haven't for a while,
A while ya,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time.

Ooooo

Yeah.....
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying thing we haven't for a while,
We're smiling but we're close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time

ooooo...., yeahh for the first time
(ooooo....), oh for the first time,
Yeah for the first time,
(just now got the feeling that we're meeting...
For the first time)

Oh these times are hard,
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby


What is it with the lyric above? It's a song by The Script, an Irish band who had been inspired me since I found out about them two years ago. And what is it with this song? This song is like a wake up call for me and that's why it means a lot for me.

I can say that I am in a difficult situation at the moment. So difficult that sometimes I think I am going crazy. I have a good job, sufficient payment and I am so grateful with that. I also have a man who love me, brother and sisters, and parent though they live far from me. So what am I frustrating about anyway. The thing frustrate me the most is that I feel that I am fighting my battle alone, being pushed all over the place, bashed, beaten up and thrown, by the people I care the most, my family.

I don't want to complain, I don't want to protest, this is the road that I must walk on and I have to walk on until I reach the finish line. But my steps feels heavier, with their hands holding on my ankle, preventing me to go further in my life. I cant have my own life, because they will keep on shadowing me and demanding me to fulfill their needs without them even care about my needs.

I keep on praying, I try to be tougher and stronger. However, there were times when I feel like I want to cry but I cant. There were times when I feel they wont feel sorry if I'm gone, but why should I give away myself for the people who don't care about me at all. But there are also times, when I feel like I want to scream out loud to get rid of the burden inside me, trying to break free from the strings that kept me from moving.

At that moment, I heard the song.
... Oh these time are hard, yeah they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby...
And I cry... I realize I almost give up...and I try to get up and walk again, the strings are still there, the hands that holding my ankle are also still there, but I am trying to fight back now and begin to move, struggle harder. Because I know, the earth is spinning and everything can change. I will change, my fate will change, my life will change...