8 Years of Heartbreak

I watched so many soap operas, so many korean and japanese series, so many american serials, its a part of my job. and the common theme among those series and soap operas are either cinderella stories or romeo and juliet. a woman longing for her prince charming, knight who will rescue her from the horrible life she lives in. and then desperate lovers, wanting so much to be with each other but situation comes in between, break them apart. some may have happy endings but some more have sad endings. I am kind of liking the sad ending one. probably because my life isnt that far from it. I have a lot of things to be happy with, to be grateful with. but love is not among those things. i never have good luck in that department. I either become the stupid one who is waiting desperately for the guy i love who will never love me back, or finding the right guy but not the right man. I think i am suck in this. but never mind, I will write down one of my stories. I am only sharing my experience, nothing more, nothing less. I am happy if someone read this and give comments on this (hopefully not a nasty one because I am sure, my story happens to many other woman out there) So it was the first year of college, around 2002. a part of me is still left in high school. well most of the freshmen were, we were still behaving and acting like we were in high school. though soon enough, we would realize that college is a far different world than high school. those years, I continued doing my hobby, writing poems, in Bahasa Indonesia of course. I am not one of those who can easily express my feelings in words, I'd rather write them down. I used to write down what i feel in poems. I still have four thick note books filled with poems, some of them i would rather not to read, out of embarrassment. Back in the early years of college, I was just another ordinary college freshmen. My Parent wasnt that wealthy and I got into this college in scholarship. it wasnt the state's college, not even the best private college in my hometown. But I felt grateful that I didnt have to spent much to pay for college fees every semester, more than half of my college fees was paid by scholarship from that college itself. That's why I tried my best to keep my grade up and almost have no time to lay my eyes on guys. But I got little distracted soon enough. There was this guy, I met him on my 3rd semester of college. he was my senior,who liked to hang around the campus on his motorbike. he looked so cool, back then of course. but I dont think he is that cool now, well we are getting older anyway. Anyway, I first saw him when he parked his motorcycle in the parking lot. I could see him from where i sat, on the benches under the tree next to the library. back then, 2002, there was a huge fandom on Ada Apa Dengan Cinta (AADC) and I also got the side effect of it. and as I caught a glance on him, Nicholas Saputra was the one who came to my mind. It was totally an exaggeration for sure, but he has that calmness and cold demeanor that reminded me of that actor, of course when he played the character of Rangga. I didnt know his name so I just called him 'Rangga'. I feel funny now, but I really thought he has a resemblance with Rangga. and since that day, I hung around more around that parking lot, I even memorized the time when he came to campus, parked his motorbike in the parking lot and then walked to the class. I knew that he didnt see me. he caught a glance of me once, but I was too busy with the novel I had to read for my Writing class assignment. that new habit of mine, went on until the end of the 3rd semester. And then, there came the 4th semester. we had to apply to the faculty, numbers of classes that we had to take, the classes that we had to repeat. that day, I ran fast to the faculty office, I was late and it was the last day to apply . I was quiet smart back then so i didnt have any classes that i have to repeat. luckily, the faculty office is still open. it was 3.30 in the afternoon and I was still standing in the line. and as i was checking on my papers, suddenly someone came and standing next to me. I turned, saw the green army jacket and then, I felt a chill down my spine as my eyes looked up and see the guy who is standing beside me...'RANGGA'. He complained about having to repeat some classes with the juniors. and here, I knew a little about him. he is a rebel... he couldnt accept the fact that he has to repeat classes, he couldnt accept that he got 'Cs' just because the lecturers disliked him. I was so nervous, I couldnt stand next to him anymore longer. I felt my legs would giveaway, so I gave my papers to the staffs and took the list of classes and then hurried away from there. God, I still feel so funny when I remember that moment. I feel like a high school girl, who just met her first love. I kept on cursing myself as I walked to the library to get books for the classes that I took. I drowned myself among the books, and soon I forgot about him. for a while, at least. because I got another shock, right at the next week, the first day of the 4th semester. I walked into the class, waving at my best friend who was already inside, sitting next to the window. She nearly shrieked when she saw me, she looked so excited as she got up and ran towards me, pulled me into the classroom and then whispered to me; "Okay... dont turn, but your 'RANGGA' is sitting right on the last row behind us" I was so shocked and I jumped, almost shouting : "WHAT... RA..." and my best friend immediately cupped my face and pulled me down and give me sign to be quiet. I slowly turned and saw him sitting there, last row, looking away through the window, knocking his pen on his forehead and sighing, looking bored as he is the only senior in that Grammar Class. but then, something hit me. I turned and looked at my best friend and asked her : " How do you know about 'Rangga'?" she grinned, mischievously and then she took a small note book from the stack of books I had in my hand, then flipped through some pages and she pointed a page and she looked at me and said " So this is not about that 'Rangga'? she started reading what i wrote there "the calm and coolness as breeze blowing through the heat of the sun, droplets of raindrops. the gentle gaze, quiet ignorant, in ruffle but still the charm oozes out. I saw you wrote this when we were sitting under the tree, near the parking lot?? Gosh you were so engrossed with him that you didnt remember I was with you?" my best friend tried to remind me about the time i wrote the short poem and I remembered blushing, looking at her and grinned. I turned and look at 'Rangga' but as he was about to looked up, the lecturer enter the class. deep inside, I remembered being so thrilled that I ended up taking one class with him. this 4th semester was about to be awesome. Since then, I couldnt wait for the Grammar class. just to get a longer look at him. and yes, he still didnt notice me. and I tried not to attract too much attention, kept my distance from him. I realized that I still have something else in the back of my mind, and I needed to stay focus. So, it was only my best friend who knew about what i felt about him. And then one day, I came late for Grammar class. I ran along the corridor and relieved to find the class is empty, it seemed like the lecturer came late too. I took a seat and my heart skip a beat when i looked at the end row. there he was, 'Rangga', dozing off on the desk, his hair glittered as the afternoon sun light fell on his hair. his light hair fluttered as the wind blew from the window, next to his desk. I froze, standing there, watching him sleeping. and suddenly, we both got jolted with the sound of phone buzzing. he got up, startled to see me standing there at the door. he looked at his cell phone, got up and said as he walked passed by me; " You are in Grammar class too, right? they changed the classroom, it's in the 2nd floor!" and he ran from there, without even waiting for me. and I watched him, standing there, taking a deep breath, still in daze. and thats the first conversation i had with him...