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Just A Note About Myself

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It's been a long while since the last time I wrote something here. Things happened but not much has changed in my life. People still asking me, why do I hate commitment? Why do I stay where I am right now? Why don't I take risk and go out of the box, leave my comfort zone, stay where I am. Honestly, I am scared. Scared of what might happen if I step out from my comfort zone. life has been so hard on me and despite all that, I am grateful that I made out of it alive. There are times when I thought I might kill myself, living in a 7 floors building with an easy access to the emergency staircase and leaped off from the top of this building. I've been living here in the past 11 years so there were so many chance to do that but I didnt do it. my mom lost two of her children, my younger sister's twin were stillborn and my brother died two months after he turned 22. I can see that she's still grieving about what happened to my brother. she often said, parent shouldn'

8 Years of Heartbreak - Part 2

Where did we left off?? Oh yeah... the first time i spoke with that 'Rangga' :) And yes, I was fluttering, butterflies in my stomach and such, I just couldnt describe the feeling I had that moment. I watched him walked away, frozen, standing there, still couldnt believe myself that he just spoke with me. and after a while, he turned and looked at me, puzzled and asked " why are you still standing there... come on... we both late for the class!!" I startled, fumbling with words and ended up only nodding. I walked behind him to the classroom and kept on slealing glances at his back, his wavy hair, not too long and not too short with sweat dripping as he was walking in a rush through the staircase. He turned and I immediately lowered my gaze, keep on walking fast, unaware that he just stopped and I ended up bumping his back. He startled and I stuttered apologize but he laughed. I looked at him and wondered why was he laughed. he looked at me and said " I think we

My Evil First Love

Aku menatap Bayu dari kejauhan,kakinya yang dengan lincah menggiring bola, melewati beberapa orang temannya. Aku tak menyadari, tanganku mengepal gemas melihat beberapa teman Bayu mencoba menghalangi Bayu. Aku nyaris melonjak kegirangan begitu melihat tendangan Bayu berhasil membuahkan angka untuk tim kelas Bayu. tapi aku segera menyadari kalau aku dikelilingi oleh teman - teman dan adik kelas yang juga penggemar Bayu, sang kapten tim sepakbola sekolahku. aku menghela nafas, menunduk kemudian mundur teratur lalu berjalan ke kantin. Mending aku mendinginkan kepala dengan segelas es cendol Pak Jukri, daripada terus bermimpi jadi pacar seorang Bayu, cowok yang paling di gilai di sekolah ini. Aku berhenti di depan perpustakaan dan menatap wajahku yang terpantul di kaca jendela. Rambutku yang ikal dan susah untuk di rapikan dan kulitku yang gelap, dan ketika aku nyengir, wajahku jadi makin aneh karena gigiku yang terlalu putih. Bahkan ketika kelas ku kemping di hari pramuka tahun lalu, semu

THE UNLIVING

You and I, we complete each other. I will be the eyes when you cant see and you will be the feet when I cant walk. We maybe different, but we complete each other... BEST FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR TALENTS ?? "SAKKI... RUN!!!RUN, SAKKI!! DONT LOOK BACK!!!" Khalila keep on shouting at Sakki, warning him. But Sakki freezes, standing there with his eyes locked at the corner of the rooftop. Khalila is horrified to see him in daze, keep on walking, towards the edge of the rooftop as if he doesn’t hear her screaming his name at all. Khalila is tense, but she doesn’t give up, she runs towards Sakki while at the same time, keeps on shouting; “No! No... you cant do that to him!! DONT DO THAT TO SAKKI!!” Khalila is panting, tense; sweat flowing from her forehead as she finally gets a hold on Sakki. She grabs his left hand with her right hand and then covers his eyes with her left hand. And immediately Sakki jolts. As his vision darkened when Khalila blindfolds his eyes with her hand,

Midnight Rambling

its past midnight already and I am still awake. I am currently watching a Korean Drama 'Master's Sun'. I dont really watch Korean Dramas, not because they are not good. they are good, far much better than Indonesian Sinetrons even. I was once hoping that i could work with them, making Drama over there. its far fetch, i know, but I find their work ethic and their creativity amazing. the only reason why i dont really watch Korean Drama, only because i will easily get carried away by the story. I will be easily falling in love with the characters and ends up getting into their story. and i really hate that because I think I will never have happy endings like the characters in those Korean Drama. I have written earlier in my other post, that I never have a good luck with love. I either falling for a guy who never love me back or finding a guy who is not the right man for me. I always thinks that my family is cursed. my grandma was married three times, twice divorced and she w

8 Years of Heartbreak

I watched so many soap operas, so many korean and japanese series, so many american serials, its a part of my job. and the common theme among those series and soap operas are either cinderella stories or romeo and juliet. a woman longing for her prince charming, knight who will rescue her from the horrible life she lives in. and then desperate lovers, wanting so much to be with each other but situation comes in between, break them apart. some may have happy endings but some more have sad endings. I am kind of liking the sad ending one. probably because my life isnt that far from it. I have a lot of things to be happy with, to be grateful with. but love is not among those things. i never have good luck in that department. I either become the stupid one who is waiting desperately for the guy i love who will never love me back, or finding the right guy but not the right man. I think i am suck in this. but never mind, I will write down one of my stories. I am only sharing my experience,

Positive Vs Negative

There are times when people come to me and tell me "YOU CANT DO IT" and I just walk away from them and says " I KNOW I CAN". There are times when what those people said to me come true. I couldn't do it, its not done. And they are all clapping hands as if saying "See, I told You so". I smile and walks away, but say "Thank you for the lesson"! Some times in our lives, people comes to break our spirit, to bring us down. Let them do what they want to do, if we believe in ourselves, there's no need to listen every negative words people throwing at us. I grew up with a parent who always have one or more negative things to say every day. And I learned to be a coward because they kept on telling me about the bad consequences. I learned to be careful, but I learned not to take a risk. I learned not to break the boundaries. But then, I start asking myself. What is life if we never feel the rush of adventure. What's left to be told if we never