The World I Live in

It's been a long while since the last time I wrote something here. Things happened but not much has changed in my life. People still asking me, why do I hate commitment? Why do I stay where I am right now? Why don't I take risk and go out of the box, leave my comfort zone, stay where I am. Honestly, I am scared. Scared of what might happen if I step out from my comfort zone. life has been so hard on me and despite all that, I am grateful that I made out of it alive. There are times when I thought I might kill myself, living in a 7 floors building with an easy access to the emergency staircase and leaped off from the top of this building. I've been living here in the past 11 years so there were so many chance to do that but I didnt do it. my mom lost two of her children, my younger sister's twin were stillborn and my brother died two months after he turned 22. I can see that she's still grieving about what happened to my brother. she often said, parent shouldn...

Where did we left off?? Oh yeah... the first time i spoke with that 'Rangga' :) And yes, I was fluttering, butterflies in my stomach and such, I just couldnt describe the feeling I had that moment. I watched him walked away, frozen, standing there, still couldnt believe myself that he just spoke with me. and after a while, he turned and looked at me, puzzled and asked " why are you still standing there... come on... we both late for the class!!" I startled, fumbling with words and ended up only nodding. I walked behind him to the classroom and kept on slealing glances at his back, his wavy hair, not too long and not too short with sweat dripping as he was walking in a rush through the staircase. He turned and I immediately lowered my gaze, keep on walking fast, unaware that he just stopped and I ended up bumping his back. He startled and I stuttered apologize but he laughed. I looked at him and wondered why was he laughed. he looked at me and said " I think we ...

Aku menatap Bayu dari kejauhan,kakinya yang dengan lincah menggiring bola, melewati beberapa orang temannya. Aku tak menyadari, tanganku mengepal gemas melihat beberapa teman Bayu mencoba menghalangi Bayu. Aku nyaris melonjak kegirangan begitu melihat tendangan Bayu berhasil membuahkan angka untuk tim kelas Bayu. tapi aku segera menyadari kalau aku dikelilingi oleh teman - teman dan adik kelas yang juga penggemar Bayu, sang kapten tim sepakbola sekolahku. aku menghela nafas, menunduk kemudian mundur teratur lalu berjalan ke kantin. Mending aku mendinginkan kepala dengan segelas es cendol Pak Jukri, daripada terus bermimpi jadi pacar seorang Bayu, cowok yang paling di gilai di sekolah ini. Aku berhenti di depan perpustakaan dan menatap wajahku yang terpantul di kaca jendela. Rambutku yang ikal dan susah untuk di rapikan dan kulitku yang gelap, dan ketika aku nyengir, wajahku jadi makin aneh karena gigiku yang terlalu putih. Bahkan ketika kelas ku kemping di hari pramuka tahun lalu, semu...

You and I, we complete each other. I will be the eyes when you cant see and you will be the feet when I cant walk. We maybe different, but we complete each other... BEST FRIENDS WITH SIMILAR TALENTS ?? "SAKKI... RUN!!!RUN, SAKKI!! DONT LOOK BACK!!!" Khalila keep on shouting at Sakki, warning him. But Sakki freezes, standing there with his eyes locked at the corner of the rooftop. Khalila is horrified to see him in daze, keep on walking, towards the edge of the rooftop as if he doesn’t hear her screaming his name at all. Khalila is tense, but she doesn’t give up, she runs towards Sakki while at the same time, keeps on shouting; “No! No... you cant do that to him!! DONT DO THAT TO SAKKI!!” Khalila is panting, tense; sweat flowing from her forehead as she finally gets a hold on Sakki. She grabs his left hand with her right hand and then covers his eyes with her left hand. And immediately Sakki jolts. As his vision darkened when Khalila blindfolds his eyes with her hand, ...

its past midnight already and I am still awake. I am currently watching a Korean Drama 'Master's Sun'. I dont really watch Korean Dramas, not because they are not good. they are good, far much better than Indonesian Sinetrons even. I was once hoping that i could work with them, making Drama over there. its far fetch, i know, but I find their work ethic and their creativity amazing. the only reason why i dont really watch Korean Drama, only because i will easily get carried away by the story. I will be easily falling in love with the characters and ends up getting into their story. and i really hate that because I think I will never have happy endings like the characters in those Korean Drama. I have written earlier in my other post, that I never have a good luck with love. I either falling for a guy who never love me back or finding a guy who is not the right man for me. I always thinks that my family is cursed. my grandma was married three times, twice divorced and she w...

I watched so many soap operas, so many korean and japanese series, so many american serials, its a part of my job. and the common theme among those series and soap operas are either cinderella stories or romeo and juliet. a woman longing for her prince charming, knight who will rescue her from the horrible life she lives in. and then desperate lovers, wanting so much to be with each other but situation comes in between, break them apart. some may have happy endings but some more have sad endings. I am kind of liking the sad ending one. probably because my life isnt that far from it. I have a lot of things to be happy with, to be grateful with. but love is not among those things. i never have good luck in that department. I either become the stupid one who is waiting desperately for the guy i love who will never love me back, or finding the right guy but not the right man. I think i am suck in this. but never mind, I will write down one of my stories. I am only sharing my experience, ...

There are times when people come to me and tell me "YOU CANT DO IT" and I just walk away from them and says " I KNOW I CAN". There are times when what those people said to me come true. I couldn't do it, its not done. And they are all clapping hands as if saying "See, I told You so". I smile and walks away, but say "Thank you for the lesson"! Some times in our lives, people comes to break our spirit, to bring us down. Let them do what they want to do, if we believe in ourselves, there's no need to listen every negative words people throwing at us. I grew up with a parent who always have one or more negative things to say every day. And I learned to be a coward because they kept on telling me about the bad consequences. I learned to be careful, but I learned not to take a risk. I learned not to break the boundaries. But then, I start asking myself. What is life if we never feel the rush of adventure. What's left to be told if we never ...

There was this feeling hanging in the air When the sight of you broke into my space And those time when we didn't know each other But totally aware about each other... Those moment, the memory that I stored in the back of my mind Surfacing slowly... There were words left unspoken And just laughter and smile we shared While glancing on each other from the distance And the story we were supposed to share But never got to experienced it together We were in our own worlds... I had you in my heart, you kept me in your mind But we weren't telepathic creatures... Didn't understand or couldn't comprehend What happened back then... You knew my name, I often wrote yours... But neither one of us, had the courage Of uttering each other's name When we crossed each other's path I was Jumpy, Awkward, nervous Got this excitement goosebumps Whenever I caught you in my sight My vision tunnelled down to you... Even when you were hidden in the crowd And Now... so many...

You said I am an invaders But you have invade my life I never have a plan to know you If this is invasion Then I am ready for war Come and Bring it on You are the invader Trespassing my life Violating boundaries And you slowly walk away As if nothing ever happened I curse the day I met you I Wish to be able to restart the life And left it all behind, let you passed by You are trespasser, invader and violator! And my anger will fall on you...

It's hurt so much When the attractions is faked Wrong to think, painful to feel It's a crush, but it has been crushed This is a heart, covered with tears of blood Angers filling in the space, nothing but emptiness I'm drowned into the dept of the ocean Thinking that Its better to disappear Let it be gone and no one will remember Because there's of no use anymore Those moments of laughter, has turn into tears You are standing there, watching me as if I am nothing but a statue Obsession to own, engulfed you into desire there is no love, no feeling Just a bit of lust and you try to justify as love It was a crush... but you had it crushed Because I am a flesh and blood with heart Not just dead statue to be watched!

Seperti Melayang Menanggung Bulan dalam pelukan Memetik bintang berkalung awan lalu menari berselendang pelangi Menjejak jemari, menyanyi bersama suara bumi Adalah Indah Rasa ketika mentari tersenyum dan bersanding dengan rembulan yang menyulut malam jadi terang benderang bersama gemintang Sesaat seperti berseri masa Tertawa bersama lembayung warna angkasa Ada gelisah yang terkunci lalu terlepas dan hilang Biar tenggelam, biarkan terpenggal bersama semburat cakrawala Sendiri dan sepi tak perlu lagi ada Biar lenyap bersama hujan yang hilang dalam terik mentari

It's cold and freezing and I am alone Watching and Passing All that has falling down Everything that never be my own It's rough and tough Even the rain beat me up more than I can bear And I have to keep on moving for all I care Since stopping add burden, no one to share Days move faster, nothing's seems fair There's blue in the sky and its nothing but dye as every living will die there's no point in telling lie one day... maybe that day Enough is enough there's no way All we need is to move, come what may Just for a single flickering ray Maybe then we'll get this cold take away

I feel lucky to feel this pain It's bitter but sweet It's hard but really soft Contradiction.... runs into my vein I walk in a no man's land where there's only me and there is one there hoping for the rain that will never fall praying for the time, impossible to come Crawling and reaching out for things too high up in the sky Too deep in the ocean nothing to gain as I am not a winner always be the second bet since the day i was born its a mistake, searching for a place to confide I feel lucky for falling in too deep And struggling to climb up But I am not dead yet I will continue to live Though life is empty And My path is not even cleared Yes... there are ghost behind me Ghost from the past, Ghost of my future And I chose to let them go because I live in the present

There's a moment when I just want to hold you But I stay, watching you here and let you walk away I am no one, nothing to offer So I am not going to dream too high Just to see you passing by Is more than enough To cure what's I keep inside me This isn't joy, This is just another pain I maybe not know what and how... All I can say is that I have this for you But I cant give it to you May the time speak on and We're moving on I will walk on my path You stay where you are and leave everything behind Though it isnt easy, but worth to try Let's walk away for now... maybe later we'll see

Dont ask me what i want Because this life never give me what I want Dont ask me what I dream of Because what I dreamed of is not what comes to my way Dont tell me what to do Because I follow my heart I know I am not supposed to run But I continue to move on there are moments when I just want to jump and dissapeared there are times when I really want to let lose and drown under But there are also times when I want everything to be mine though it will never be mine sometimes life just doesnt go the way we want we met someone when we already with someone as faith is for granted we can only put a blame on the fate

Its a mistake But I enjoy to walk on it Its a wrong way But there is nothing i can say There's one thing comes to mind.. Upset... Sad and troubled Thinking that there is no chance Wondering if there's still minute less Or even time to reverse the day Return to where it begins And end it before it start The beginning is about to begin But Its better to end Let it die before it blooms Because this heart doesnt want the knot This feet just want to run from the spot Its happy to know, we will be away... Its lucky to think, I wont have to say Voices inside the head, echoes in the heart And there's no space enough to contain Let it burn, let it be gone Because it doesnt say that we are bound And there's no place to run I'm buried down under the piles of rubble And somehow, I feel lucky Thank you for the pain... thank you for the struggle Because that's the story of my life...

In A cup of Chocolate Is a bitter sweet emptiness A piece of Sadness Disguised in joy and sweetness of honey In a Cup of Chocolate is sadness mimicking joy tears covered by laughter and darkness served with a smile In a cup of chocolate Is a story of life As not all the sweet things Come without consequences

Aku Menari Bersama Mendung yang menggantung Menikmati rintik hujan yang semakin tak terbendung Aku menari Bersama awan yang bergulung Kemudian berputar diangkasa penuh warna Selendang Pelangi Aku menari Bernyanyi bersama gemuruh guntur Melompat bersama kilat yang memecah angkasa Tak peduli aku akan terbakar Karena tak ada matahari, hari ini Aku menari Diantara suara gemericik hujan Irama di tiap jejak dan gemulai gerakku Menari... dan terus menari... Karena hujan ini akan berhenti Dan mendung akan segera pergi Basah tanah berkerak dibawah mentari Tak ada musik yang mengiringi Dan entah kapan Mendung kan datang lagi

Where are we?? And where will we be? Is it the sky so blue? Or Just another Sad story comes true Live once, twice, thrice Repeated several times Useless... Because what is black, will stay black And What is dark will remain dark No matter how many times we try Can't change what has written from the sky Our Life, is a story Sometimes we cry But then, laughter comes by To remove dark from our day So many lonely nights Will make us strong and might Because real life has no knight We have to find our own light Who we are What We'll be It's the day Gone by Or we skipped what's matter Then go on regret the after...

Adakah akhir mendekati rasa… seperti mati tak berujung sepi… aku yang mengumbar Tanya tanpa jawab yang kuterima… mungkin sejenak resah menghujam asa dan menjejak di antara masa… aku masih bisa mendengar suaramu… aku masih bisa merasa tatap matamu… melukis setiap senyum di ruang hati ku… entah kenapa aku merasa pelan tapi pasti akan kehilanangan dirimu… sejak tak ada kata yang tertinggal di antara lekukan jalan langkah kita tertinggal dalam masa… aku melukai matahari senja dengan air mata… aku menggores pagi dengan tanpa tawa… entah esok jadi apa atau Cuma sejenak saja… aku menghindari sebuah rasa yang nanti akan berubah jadi belenggu di sela sela asaku yang kian tinggi terbang ke angkasa… aku mengusir semua yang menahanku untuk terus berjalan melewati danau dan rawa… atau mungkin gurun dan lautan… dan aku tertinggal sendiri dalam sepi… tapi kunikmati sepi seperti aku meraba angin malam… aku nikmati sunyi seperti aku menggenggam dingin embun dan hujan… kembang itu telah terbang… tak ad...